Before she felt the grip of his fingers searing into her skin, she felt her breath splintering off. Six years since his last fight, seven maybe. It was before they had started dating. Had to be eight. She had heard through stories of the “good old days” that his go-to-move was the throat grab. She hadn’t seen it; hadn’t believed it.
Panic edged in around her thoughts as darkness began to surround Geoff’s head. Mac concentrated on his eyes. If she ever made it to testify, she would swear they were red. Not bright red, like the front door of the house they were in litigation over. Dark red, almost brown, like dried blood.
Like the blood of the miscarriage she hadn’t told him about. Mac had scrubbed for days, weeks after, but she always found it in the creases of the white bathroom tiles, stains on the bottom of the bathmat, and flaked in a clump of dust-bunnies behind the toilet. She had been trying to leave, even back then, a baby would have forced her to stay. A bond like that doesn’t go away. It would have been her fault she lost it. Not his choice to terminate.
Flashes of light flickered beyond his face, his eyes screaming into hers. The only thing Mac heard was the ringing piercing her thoughts. Her thoughts sweeping through her mind like leaves. Fallen leaves, all blown by her into bags. Bags big enough for bodies. She wondered if that was where she would end up. Like the leaves she had cleaned up in the Fall by herself. Nine bags of leaves dragged to the curb. Maybe if she carried them, he would carry her. He wouldn’t. She already knew.
New was supposed to be good for them. The house, the life. Knew it wasn’t right, but she couldn’t articulate to herself, to anyone, what was wrong. Now she knew. Maybe it was too late. Eight years, a house, all before 45. Big for him. Geoff equaled big. Mac felt her head, the pressure building, her body was mostly gone now. Only tingles in her hand remained. From small to molecular. She wondered if this would end the litigation of the house. She should call her mother. She squeezed the phone in her hand. Her finger fumbling on the button. Geoff’s face faded to the flashes of lights blue and red.